Getting Up Out of the Dirt

I've been dragging my feet into the ground, leaving these deep ruts in my wake, unwilling to take the first steps towards healthy living. I'm a senior in college and for 4 years I was able to keep away from the "freshman 15" describing the weight gain that people experience upon coming to college. I've maintained a fairly consistent body weight all through high school and college. I believe I was around 170 through high school and there towards the end of my senior year I think I was beginning to gain weight. I was around 180 and I kept telling myself, I still do it actually, that it's fine, that's a fine weight to be at. It wasn't until here at Christmas where I actually felt decidedly fatter. And it kinda came out of nowhere. It all just finally hit me that I've been eating and not worrying about the circumstances.

And if I'm completely honest with myself, I'm not happy. I love and hate clothes. I want to cover up and try and hide the extra weight that I've gained, and I'm very self-conscious about it, but at the same time I try to keep up my self-worth by saying that I'm very pretty. And one the one hand I do believe that I'm attractive. And a lot of that has come from my wonderful boyfriend who tells me all the time how attractive I am. I can see it in his eyes that he finds me attractive. 

But I'm continually fighting with myself about how I perceive my appearance. When I wear clothes I feel beautiful because I can cover up whatever I don't want to see. But whenever I'm nude I don't feel beautiful. I don't like the lumps and bumps that I've accumulated. I can see the potential! I can see a smaller me with those same luscious curves, that same full round butt, she's just trapped beneath this layer that I've accumulated from neglect. 

I've never been the most athletic person. I was in track in junior high and high school, but I was always more interested in throwing shotput and discus. I never wanted to do the running because I was heavier and hated to run. I still hate to run, but I'm sure I'll talk about that later on. But my dad was always into lifting weights and so that's what we all bonded over. My brothers are the big and burly type and our family motto is pretty much strength above all else. And that's what I grew up with. I've always hated the idea of working out. There are always just so many other things that I could be doing with my time. I never really took it to heart. 

But now with my boyfriend we've just been getting this urge to work out. We tried setting up times for him to even show me some martial arts moves just to get us active again, but they never seemed to work out. But really both of us have just been feeling like we're dealing with this weight problem. And I know it bothers him, even though I still think he is a complete stud and I love every inch of his body, but yea it's just time for a change.

That's where INSANITY comes into place.

He had been doing some research into work out programs and he really fell into this program called INSANITY. It's intense 30 minute work out sessions that help give great results after 60 days. And this is where my feed dragging comes into play... Our spring semester ended and there were 2 glorious weeks of just having fun with friends and staying up all night playing games and drinking. And then everyone split up. Some are working. Some went home after graduating. I'm still here taking summer classes. 

I had meant to start up my work out sessions the same day that I started summer classes, but that didn't work out. I couldn't get my hands on the cds until about Wednesday and even then I still dragged my feet telling myself, "Oh I don't want to get started midweek and then not have a full week of working out." Bullshit. It was. I know it was. It was another lie that I was telling myself because I'm too lazy to actually step up and do this. But really, I'm tired of being lazy. I know that there's a smaller sexy curvy Amy in there and I want her to come out. I don't want to keep pining over it. I want to do something about it.

And some of my motivation to do this comes from my younger brother who is just so self-motivated in everything that he does! And he just finished a Spartan run recently and just finished a Tough Mutter over this past weekend. And to see him just taking his life in his own hands, it's just another slap to my face. Why can't I do that? I can. And I will.

I want to be able to sit down at a desk or couch and not have this bulge around my stomach. i want to be able to look down and see my vagina and not this large amount of fat in my way. So this is where I'm going to start. I know it sounds insane, but no never mind that's a bad pun ;)

Anyway, I'm finally going to start on this trek and I'm going to go for the 60 days and see where I'm at at the end of the time. I'll decide where to go from there, but let's get up out of the dirt and start down this road. 

Tomorrow will be my first day doing the program and I intend to write a blog entry every day keeping up with how I'm feeling about the program and undoubtedly about the other classes I'm having to deal with. But this blog is going to be helping me to cope and to deal with this insanity that is my life.

My current weight is: 188.4 lbs

My current Waist measurement is: 36"

My current Hip measurement is: 43"

My current Thigh measurement is: 27"

I plan to update every week with my weight, measurements, and two accompanying pictures both frontal and sidelong for my own personal reference. This is for me. This is now my responsibility to update this blog and to keep myself on track.

*I'm so excited to be finally doing this, but at the same time I'm so nervous!*